Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
