my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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