The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
