people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
