Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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