A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Oh god it's open bar.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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