Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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