Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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