i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
