Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
