Will you blow on my dice?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
