i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
