Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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