i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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