She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
