dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
