i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
