as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
