why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
