respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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