3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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