We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I smell stomach acid.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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