I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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