we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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