Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
