i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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