Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
