mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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