I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I believe in your delicious
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
