Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
