wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
