apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she smelled like a LAN party
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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