i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's shark week go big or go home
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
