If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
