she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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