Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
