Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize