did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
