Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize