Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just invented taco cereal.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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