you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Heās older
Like āhas a job and pays his billsā older or āstill watches porn on DVD because he canāt figure out the Internetā older?
Randomize
