Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
