go do what you do best...puke behind churches
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
