I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
