Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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