Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
