Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
