just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
