So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
