Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
