Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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