Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
its not stalking. its research.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
