I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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