You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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