Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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