You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
