Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
