he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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