Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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