i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and she was petting her beer can
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Are we still banned from the library?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
