If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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