Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
