I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
