Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
