I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
