She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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