I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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