Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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