I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
