Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize